Ä You're WHO? Development director for L&S's Humanities, Social Sciences and UGIS divisions Jim Piatt (rhymes with riot) is new here, and his name is causing great confusion. "When I introduce myself around campus, I speak a little quickly and people who know of (Budget and Planning Associate Chancellor Jim) Hyatt but haven't met him think I'm him," reveals Piatt. "One person looked at me and said, 'Boy, you're a lot younger than I thought you were."

Ä Sports Page -- The latest from Christo? Channing tennis courts, which are elevated above a parking lot, were enveloped in a plastic wrapper until recently. The wrap was to screen a resurfacing project, but quite a sight as it billowed in the breeze and became translucent in the sun. It must be finished by early November, says Jeff Gee of Planning, Design and Construction, for a big tourney then. The asphalt -rubber composite surface, incidentally, will be easier on the knees.

Ä Speaking of tennis, internal audit director Stephanie Siri is off to Arizona this month to complete with her Walnut Creek-based USTA tennis teammates in the national finals. Tennis players say you really don't have to be an auditor to keep track of the sport's oddball scoring, but Siri does have the advantage.

Ä Splish, Splash, I Was Takin' a Bath...With Hearst Pool closed for repairs, swim space may be at a premium. An entire men's swim squad was spied recently taking a dip in Ludwig's Fountain, wearing trunks, swim caps and goggles, of course. Either a team photo or just another Sproul Plaza protest.

Ä What We Have Here Is a Failure to Communicate, Part I: It's the New Century Campaign's posh kick-off gala Sept. 20. A vocalist in a stunning gown has just walked on stage. She begins to sing, but from the black-tie audience of oh-so-distinguished alumni, friends and benefactors booms a voice: "Take off that red dress!" Horrified at such an epithet from so genteel an assemblage, she abruptly turns and strides from the stage. If only she'd known...one should never wear Cardinal to serenade the Old Blues.

Ä It's 4:45 and near closing time at the main library. You gotta be there to hear Ann Moen of the Librarian's Office putting that little something extra into one of her daily routines. "Ahtahnceeon! Ahtahnceeon! Zee labhrareee weeel be clozeeng een feeftin minooites," she breathes over the PA. One might even think one had missed one's flight at Orly. Sometimes "Natasha" takes over for what listeners have described as the great Hungarian version. And recently Eliza Doolittle has appeared (pre-Henry Higgins, of course).

Ä That's Entertainment: Oct 13, noon to 6 at Durant and Bowditch is the second annual Berkeley Jazz Festival, run by the Telegraph Area Association and featuring Johnny "Willie-and-the-Hand-Jive" Otis. Remember that?

ãF.M.